“Don’t Mess Wit Joey Furts”
“My name is Joey Furts and I run dese here parts, ya see. I’ve got a masters in playin’ poka and a minor in kikin’ ass.
You wanna go toe-to-toe wit da ‘Furts’Man’? Well step up to da table my friend. I am da best poka-player dis side of da Mississippi. And I’ll prove it to ya. You betta bring all a ya worldly possessions if ya wanna play wit me tho – ‘cuz I’m takin’ ’em all home wit me. Bring ya money, I’m takin’ it. Bring ya fancy watch, I’m takin’ dat too. Bring ya girl, she’ll be screamin’ ‘Furts-Man’ all night long baby!!!!
What? You wanna play Hold ‘Em against me? Brudda, I am da king a dat game, and I will put a whoopin’ on you like you have neva seen before. Two down, and tree up? No problem, I’ve got ‘Big Slick’ in the hole – that’s right, Kershaw and Hernandez, betta known as Ace & King.
Nobody messes wit Joey Furts.”
**this is my entry into the contest over at ‘Nachos Grande’
30-Year Old Cardboard 
As a connoissuer of reading written accents, I like this post, a lot.
Eric- Thanks for the kind words.