Bret Saberhagen, The Ladies Man!!!
To be read with in voice of David Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused).
‘Hello to all of the ball-girls out there. My name is Bret, but you can call me ‘Cy-Squared.
When I am not hurling split-finger fastballs or digging clay out of my spikes, I am thinking about the ladies. That’s right, they don’t call me ‘Cy-Squared’ for nothing. You see this t-shirt I am wearing under my jersey? Yep, it’s embedded with the finest Equate lotion that money can buy. Wanna feel how soft it is, don’t you? Well don’t get too close darlin’ ’cause I don’t want to burn you – I’m so hot! Tssssss…
You like my new Aviator shades? Yeah, I wear ’em t keep things a little more fair when I am around the ball-girls. They protect me from the sunlight, but they protect you from fallin’ in love with ‘Cy-Squared’.
I’m probably not supposed to be sitting on this tarp and eating this here lolipop while the game is goin’ on. But, I do what I want to do. I live by my rules. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.
Do you know what I love about ball-girls? I get older, and they stay the same age. Alright, alright, alright.’
This is my submission into the contest at Nachos Grande. If I have entertained you, please consider voting for me to advance to the final round of the competition. I would expect that voting will start sometime on Saturday.
Thank you.
30-Year Old Cardboard 